What kind of universe could contain something called "the Milky Way?" A tasty universe.
Recently, through protracted discussion, it has become clear that the commonly accepted formula
u = w
in which “u” is You and “w” is what you eat, is incorrect.
Although it has an intuitive ring to it, “you are what you eat” is perhaps too simplistic to describe the relation of the individual to comestibles. A slightly more complex formula shows the direction of inquiry that might best lead to a better understanding:
u = w * h
in which “h” is the amount eaten, measured in Joules, because it’s a unit of measurement as well as a homonym for the name of one of the title characters in a famous movie by François Truffaut, with whom many Americans are only familiar from his acting role in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” I bet those aliens ate some cool food.
Still, this only gets us closer to the core of the individual. There are other factors to be considered as well. For example:
u = (w * h) / (c / (l * d))
Here we see that you are the total of what you eat multiplied by the amount eaten, with the result divided by a qualitative assessment of your dining companions (a separate formula to be worked out later) divided by the result of multiplying the fanciness of the dining location by the remaining balance, or lack thereof, on your debit card.
Beginning with the autumn 2009 school year, elementary school students across the country will participate in a poster contest, in which their awareness of this simple concept will be raised as they competitively illustrate it with crayons and construction paper. This contest will run simultaneously with the re-running of the “Rapeling Down the Food Dodecahedron” contest from last spring, which resulted in not a single child in the United States submitting a poster that correctly illustrated the dietary principles in question.
Tagged Ciao Chow, Roll over Einstein
